The Book He Wants to Write

I am listening to everything you are saying, every day, every minute & every second. You are that person who knows how to speak, to convince, to gather a crowd and wow them, a person that can make anyone family and talks about it with much vigour. But what you don't talk about is what made you this way, the history of who you've been. Every single day I hear about what you want your future to look like, the people who make you whole and the experiences that have been important in your life. You manage to make them and their relationship your whole life, sometimes I wonder do you even realise that there is a person behind this who you are maybe not acknowledging at all? 

I stand here and look at you and your life as though I am a viewer to something you're creating, with the world moving around me and I stand still to see you do everything that you want to do and achieve. In the midst of the noise and movement, I look at the palms of my hands and wonder If I should extend my hand to you and let you do the dance of life with me? As I stand to witness the life around me, its fast pace and the adulting, I find myself unable to move a muscle. I lift my eyes and look into your eyes, you've now slowed down and you're looking back at me. The intent of your eyes to carry me whole through the thick and the thin, the desire in your words to take me as I am echo in my head. I close my eyes, do nothing and  and yet you take my hands and swirl me around to the music playing in my head, reminding me that you're willing to see me through all of this madness I am feeling; Promising me to turn this noise in my head into music that we will dance on. That makes me smile, you make me smile. When I think about you, I think about the soul. you garner and its filled with the soul juice that keeps you charged up and I love that, I do not want to see you use your energy towards something so soulless I think to myself. A soul with this much strength, sometimes is a soul made to fix another soul, to show the soul its direction in this confused circle of life. 

When I think about the book he wants to write, there is so much life in it that you will end up smiling at the life he can give to anything he puts his mind into. I've only known him for a little while, and I don't know if I'm right but he is the kind of person who has learnt to write each and every sentence as he sees fit, as his life shows him. He's been there and done that and with his heart he wishes to accomplish everything in his power, what's different is the power, he hoards it, he makes the power that he needs to make things happen, something Wonder Woman and Lucifer taught me. That you give yourself the power and if you think you're lacking it will be because you put yourself in that position. The heart is the tool to hoard the passion to create energy that initiates the butterfly effect that puts things in motion. 

I don't know if he knows that he is the power in his own story, everything he pushes he manages to make happen and that s hardly ever the real picture. As a viewer, it's hard to understand his passion and his drive, this time around I have not learnt a lot about him because I've not even gotten close to understanding what his core energy is. Will I ever learn about it? I've seen him vulnerable for other things but hardly for himself, is that a sign of self love or self pity or worse self ignorance. To be able to not take everything seriously even if it is, is a sign of high self awareness, mental peace or the ability to compartmentalise like a professional. His ability to be a problem solver sometimes also sometimes reflects the fact that he is human and is feeling things in the highest of capacities. He is not a savage business man, but he is a practical one. I still need some time understanding where he is in his life. Is that why I feel like I am not that close to him yet even though all our actions seem like we're the closest people to exist?

Even after I have spent time with him after a whole month, I sometimes still feel like im an outsider to his growth, from the core, I don't mean that he won't involve me, because that he does, but to make the story whole there is a section still in the dark that I haven't seen yet. 

His ability to feel everything and his ability to make the opposite person smile even though he might be hurting himself. His need to slap a little kid thinking its love and his ability to make his mum smile even if she is tearing up from inside. The need and want to be everything for his people makes him so determined that he forgets that he was ever young in life. All his mornings tend to work like a rhythm in motion, a need to grow, a need to be recognised and sought after in all phases of life. On the other hand he wants to be the most understanding for his partner and shows that he can be patient with the most impatient person on board. He let his hand out and asked for who he wanted. To still be here, is not just commendable, it's almost unbelievable.  

About the book he wants to write there is so much more to unravel about how he functions but for his story I know that he is writing something of an underdog story, and I can't wait to acknowledge all of it. 

From the person who you want to be with to the person who you want to end up being. I appreciate all of it.