Skip to main content

Toxic

 There is a better person out there for you. 

I brought out the worst in him, in all of these years, when he was on a good path, I came in and literally uprooted the whole thing about hm. Today was the first time I saw its adverse effects. I think this guy is unhealthy, because I am unhealthy. I make decisions that aren't clear to anyone, and I dragged him into the mud, he loves me so much, he is blindly following the devil into its darkness. Now that I've brought the worst out of him, I have to stop. This is not just a red flag, this is the area where couples shouldn't have to be or live in. I've seen my fair share of toxic relationships, this is somewhat it. I tried being the most open girls in this relationship, but turns out this is wrong. all my past is coming back to me. I was wrong.I cannot be like this with anyone, I just need to share enough and limited. so it doesn't lash out on my relationships. This sucks big time. I have been running away from toxic relationships and made myself a part of one by being this way.

Being in someone else's shoes is hard enough, but to be able to only understand what he did why he did, it's getting harder by the day, this can't be love. I believe love starts with yourself, when you fall in love with yourself, you can actually respect yourself in the relationship, is that something we're missing? Is it bad that you bring out the worst in someone and every step of the way you say something to hurt the other person is it worth it? We wake up and taste the reality of life, is that a way to live any life, life is sour, so tasting it everyday only makes up grow further away from the good things , at least maybe thats just me.

I realised maybe I need to start seeing things in a more positive optimistic way, but will I forget that my actions made him to act like an unhealthy person, is it worth spoiling someone's life? Will I grow old and grow to regret everyone I've broken on my way? Maybe this is the first one, I crossed the line with and this happened. 

What should I do? Is this the beginning of something unhealthy or it has been unhealthy, I just didn't see it. Will I break his heart? Will I make into his life? Will I end up with him in a way that is healthy? I cried for two hours regretting the fact that I came into his life to make him blame his luck if I don't end up with him, and then this happened, he blamed himself for something I did. I was only crying to see that what have we done to ourselves in less than 2 months?

Thinking about this, everyday.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular Posts

When He Held Me By My Waist..

Part 1 His face buried in her hair, his hand around her waist, he laughed at her silliness.           She stood there and laughed with him and looked at him, wondering what a wonderful man he was, what she'd experienced with him all these days... She sailed back into time, her memories dating back to that day when they decided to drive 200kms away from the usual drama.     He wore white and she wore a different colour that day, she wore an orange and it was coincidentally one of her special dresses. When they see each other, they forget about the world and they seem to wash out everything that has been bothering them, absolutely poof. Hand in hand, every time he shifts the gear their hands would move along. She'd sit there and watch him every minute he drove, literally face him while he'd drive her around. He was her punching bag, and the softest cheek,  one of the softest cheeks to touch. She'd stare at his half-grown beard and his overgrown...
2 comments
Read more

Just so you know..

A look, a moment is all it takes to decide if you want to be friends with someone, sometimes more than a friend. She had just moved in, the new locality was warm and welcoming. It was new, she looked forward to make friends. It was just another day in September, when she first saw him, he wore a pink shirt and showed off like he owned the world. Such characters have a personality that they flaunt, the way they talk, the way they walk, they'd have instant friends, followers and of course haters., infact they themselves know they are liked by most of the people around, you know the type who would lead, stand out and make a difference. She looked his way, and she thought to herself, "Finally, someone." That night she slept on his memory. Living in the same locality, makes a lot of difference, people meet, they see each other often, they socialise because it is mandatory to add fun, drama, and a long list of contacts to a much boring life, contradicting to the others who d...
Post a Comment
Read more

"All else is not real, if you do not hurt for it, then it is not love " - R. M Drake

After all this while, after all the tears shed, after every tiny tale related to, after every bit of advice heard, after every attempt made to elude the obvious feelings. I thought time has given me enough space to collect myself and finally face my fears. I personally never thought that it would be a problem or it would make a difference if I saw him because there was a time I started believing that it has to be gone by now, it should no longer be able to bother me, to hurt me, but I realised that for a bit, it was fine, it comes and goes, but for entire days together to have looked at him, to move with him, to spend time with him even if we never spoke to each other, I should've known that it would mess my perfectly made up mind and I had to have known it becomes difficult.  It was lunch on the second afternoon at the get together and the people who hung out with me had seen each other for an entire day and night, we spent our time bonding and making up for the time lost, and ...
Post a Comment
Read more